I had been trying to quit coffee for what felt like centuries. For years, I was an avid coffee drinker. A few cups in the morning and one in the afternoon.

I often felt great and happy and energetic immediately after drinking it, but it also was triggering my anxiety and making me wayyy too stressed for no reason, which in turn was causing a whole host of other health issues.

Over the summer, I started cutting back a bit, with the plan to give it up completely. I would go a day or two without it and then cave, making an excuse as to why I needed it.

I am now in the place of enjoying green tea in the morning or not have caffeine at all which is a massive change for me. I’ll occasionally still have a little coffee here and there, and my intention is to cut out caffeine entirely.

I am doing my best to be kind to myself, and remind myself that I am doing the best I can. Through all the trial and errors I have at least learned a few things about myself, and changing habits in general.

1. The Importance of Mentality in Changing Habits

Habits literally change our brain. The things we do on a daily basis are hardwired into our neural pathways. Thats why people say it takes 3 weeks to change a habit. Eventually, (hopefully) that habit will just feel normal. Whether it’s quitting coffee, going to the gym in the morning, making your bed, cooking instead of ordering in, etc.

The first few times I didn’t have coffee I felt “off.” I didn’t realize caffeine was legit making me happy. It was waking me up and and making me feel energized and productive. Research shows that it actually triggers the release of dopamine in the brain, which are feel good chemicals. Without caffeine I felt fine, but not quite as happy or energized. (Yes, hi, I am a full blown addict.)

Those first few days felt really weird and brought up a lot of resistance, but slowly I learned to just be with the feelings and not judge them as right or wrong. This took a lot of trial and error on my end, to not just cave because it felt weird, but over time I started to get it and it started to get easier. I allowed myself to just be with the lack of energy/tired feeling and remind myself that this feeling would not last forever.

2. Big Promises Can Lead to Big Down Falls in Self-Esteem

Changing habits is just one big mind f*ck. If you want to change something, or implement something new, start small. Do you want to meditate for 30 minutes a day? Promise yourself to meditate for 1 minute a day. Do you want to work out 4 days a week? Promise yourself to do 1 jumping jack per day. I’m not kidding. I learned this from Steven Guise’s book, “Mini Habits.” You really just need to convince yourself you are accomplishing something. He talks about the all too familiar feeling of promising yourself to do something, not sticking to it and feeling like you’ve let yourself down and “failed” again. We then blame ourselves instead of the strategy, and eventually, possibly, stop trying altogether.

He emphasizes that doing something small every day is far greater than doing a ton one day. Set yourself up for a snowball of victories by starting small and absolutely killing it. We’re talking a straight legged, jazz handed, all out, jumping jack. Chances are once you’re actually doing that one jack, you’ll continue on. It’s all a mind game peeps.

3. Set Yourself Up for Success

If you want to change a habit, you need to change, plain and simple. And, that’s not always easy. Help yourself help yourself by setting yourself up for the least possible chance of self sabotage. Meaning, get the coffee out of your house. Meal prep your food the night before. Set up a monthly budget. Pack your gym clothes in your bag. etc. etc. If you plan to do it, you will be that much more likely to actually do it. Change may start with thought, but it comes from action.

4. Approaching Change from a Place of Love

I’d been thinking of “giving up coffee” in a very restrictive way. “I can’t have a cup of coffee. I shouldn’t have any caffeine.” I know better than to do this, but it’s hard not to think that way when leaving behind something you love so much.

Once I began focusing on abundance and what I could have, it became much easier. A cup of tea. (As I try not to roll my eyes.) Or, what I would feel instead. Calm. Peaceful. At Ease. In the Flow.

When we resist something and feel like we are pushing against it, we might be “disciplined” for a little while, but eventually we cave (and beat ourselves up). It becomes too hard. It is so much easier to focus on abundance, and to move forward with our goals from a place of ease and love.

5. Focus on the WHY

Why do you want to do change X or reach a certain goal? How will it improve your quality of life?

When I was getting off coffee, I would jot down my WHY’s in the notes on my phone. Each time I wanted to revert back to my old ways, I read them FIRST. I read it first and then would write what I was feeling. I would get the feelings and thoughts out on paper and take a deep breath. If I still wanted to drink coffee, I would do it completely and totally without guilt. Remember that beating yourself up about something is far worse then taking the action in the first place. Self-love & self-compassion, people.

6. You Deserve It.

If you’re looking to change a habit or implement a new one, chances are it’s because you think it will better your life in some way. If however, you don’t fundamentally believe you deserve to feel good, are worthy of XYZ, or ultimately love yourself enough to do it, the change won’t stick. Period. You will find a way to self sabotage and end up back at square one. If the idea of loving yourself or feeling you are worthy of anything is so far gone, start small. Do one nice thing for yourself a day. Get to know yourself. Read books on how to love yourself. Tell yourself you love yourself even if you think you don’t. Start acting as if you do. Ask yourself, “If I did love myself, how how would I act/be today? What would I do today?” And, go from there. Just open your mind to the possibility of loving yourself and see what happens. At the end of the day, we ALL deserve to feel our best and live out our dreams, even if you don’t believe it yet. Once you start loving, respecting and believing in yourself and your value, creating and sticking to habits that better you will be far easier.

7. Don’t Give Up On Yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve “tried” to do something 8 million times. Try 8 million and 1 and 2 and 3 and keep on keepin’ on. It is all apart of the journey, and each and every time you try and think you’ve failed, you learn something new. Don’t ever give up on yourself.

Okay. That’s all I got for now. I’m looking forward to using the tools and tips I’ve just shared this time around as I continue the journey towards no caffeine. 🙂