Throughout the grieving process these past few weeks, I’ve found myself asking if I am doing it “right”. Questioning myself and questioning my process.

Am I trying to move through this too fast? Am I feeling all of it enough? Am I happy right now or am I just avoiding my sadness? Is it ok to feel this way?

It has been a reminder for me that there is really no “right” or “wrong” way to do anything-we just make it so by judging ourselves. It has been a lesson for me in complete permission, allowance and grace. A reminder that however I am showing up is ok.

It is ok if I wake up knowing I won’t be able to fake a smile that day.

It is ok if I wake up wanting to take the day by storm, to show up as the best version of myself, to make my dad proud.

It is ok to sit in the shower for an hour and cry.

It is ok to distract myself with work and busyness so that I don’t.

It is ok to go out with friends, to laugh, to genuinely enjoy my time.

It is ok to cry on the subway home.

It is ok to go on a date, to escape, to pretend like things are normal for the night.

It is ok to not want to pretend, to want the whole world to know my dad died, that he was the best person in the world, that I am heart broken.

It is ok to not want to celebrate Thanksgiving this year.

It is ok to want to.

It is ok to just want to get back to normal life, to try to get back to normal life, to want the grief to be over.

It is ok to admit that deep down I know life will never feel the same again, that a part of me will always be grieving.

It is ok to move through this and continue on with my life.

It is ok to sit in it for as long as I need.

Permission to be happy one second and sad the next. Permission to be up and permission to be down. Permission for it all.

This is my reminder to myself and also to you. However we’re feeling today, however we’re showing up is ok. Nothing about it or us is ever wrong. We’re all always ok.