“Why do you do what you do, when you know what you know?”-Dr.Libby Weaver

I first heard these words in a lecture back in 2014 when I was studying to be a Health Coach. 6 years later, these words still resonate with me.

Dr. Libby was posing this question (in a very lovingly way), asking why we do/eat/say XYZ when we know it doesn’t make us feel good. So many of us are SO knowledgeable and aware of what we can do to make ourselves feel our best. We don’t need another person to tell us that vegetables are good for us and processed food isn’t. So then, why do we still choose to do things that we know don’t make us feel good? I’ll often ask myself this question not in a judgmental way, but with loving curiosity. Why am I making this choice right now? Why am I choosing to do, eat or say XYZ? I’m not making the choice wrong or bad; it is obviously serving some type of purpose and bringing me some type of joy or peace. The answer to the question of why I’m doing something differs sometimes; maybe I’m stressed or I’m tired or I’m scared or I’m sad. Maybe I don’t want to make a fuss. Maybe I don’t want to ask for what I need. Maybe I’m in a “Fuck it” kind of mood and am just tired of caring. Again, I pose the question with no judgment of the answer, just awareness.

As I’ve begun to shed light on the parts of me that are making that choice and in the past I would have judged, I’ve learned to have so much more compassion for myself. Often times, the reason for the choice just comes down to one thing; I want to feel better. How simple is that? How easy is that? What could be wrong about that? And, that’s the point! There is nothing wrong with it. At all. Period. Our bodies and our nervous systems are always trying to protect us and help us feel our best, and they think that doing XYZ will accomplish that.

Is there another choice I could make instead to feel better? Sure. Another choice that would be healthier in the long run? Of course. Maybe working out instead of zoning out with TV? 100%. But, it’s not until I actually started to view all of my decisions with genuine love and curiosity instead of judgment, that I found it naturally easier to choose differently.

Consistently making choices that are best for me is still very, very much something I’m working on. Believe me, I make plenty of choices that I know are not in my long term best interest. But, I no longer judge them. And I woke up this morning with the desire to keep bouncing back and to keep practicing loving myself. To keep making decisions that are best for me even if that choice doesn’t feel quite as “easy” in the moment. To keep choosing myself, no matter how long it takes.

I know that this is my work right now, and I invite you to ask yourself what you’re doing that doesn’t feel good and why. Not with any judgment, but just loving curiosity.  We all want to feel good, we all deserve to feel good, and we all are worthy of feeling good. And, this doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Choosing ourselves can only happen in the moment; in all the small decisions that create our day. There’s no need to overthink it. So here’s to practicing and trying and noticing and loving and failing and trying again and again and again no matter how long it takes. As a reminder, there’s no timeline on self-love.